The human mind is a double-edged sword. On the upside, it enables us to plan, solve problems, create goals and work towards our dreams… But the dark side of the human mind is that it also tends to haunt our inner world with unhelpful and painful thoughts.
We experience self-criticism, rumination and worry. For many of us, that inner voice can become our own worst enemy, crushing our self-esteem or driving us to feel constantly stressed, negative or anxious.
Why We Get Caught Up in Our Thoughts
Now we know that with emails or on social media, when we find some of the content coming through unhelpful we can hit the unfollow or unsubscribe button. However, the original meaning of the word ‘subscribe’ means to ‘express or feel agreement with something’, so to unsubscribe from something means to not express or feel in agreement with something.
The reason why we often get caught up in unhelpful thoughts is because we subscribe to them. In other words, we agree with them in the sense that we buy into them and take them seriously. We take them to be the ‘truth’ and often believe them without question. And when we do that we become pulled around by, and reactive to, our thoughts.
Learning to Let Go of Reactivity
A simple example is if your mind says “You look horrible today.” If you believe that thought, you will likely react with feelings of negativity, shame and sadness. In the same way, if your mind says, “Urrgh what a dreadful day it is today,” and you believe that thought, you’re likely to experience a low mood that may carry through your whole day.
But if you watch the mind, perhaps through meditation or self-observation, you’ll quickly notice that our minds are always generating thoughts. Some are helpful, some are neutral, some are unhelpful and a lot of them are just random ramblings, but all of them are just mental events. They’re simply bits of language that pass through our minds.
Although we cannot always choose what kinds of thoughts our minds generate, we can choose how we respond to them.
A Simple Practice to Unhook from Unhelpful Thoughts
So here’s a simple practice to help you unhook from unhelpful thoughts. Whatever your mind says to you, no matter how mean or awful or negative it is, just respond with an attitude of warmth, playfulness and even humour, and reply mentally to yourself, “Thanks mind. Thanks for sharing.”
So if your mind turns on its ‘inner critic mode’ and says something like “You’re such an idiot,” you mentally reply, “Thanks mind. Thanks for sharing.” If your mind starts up with worrying thoughts like “What will happen if my partner leaves me? It would be devastating,” you simply reply, “Thanks mind.”
If your mind says, “If you think this stupid ‘thanking the mind’ thing changes the fact that your life sucks, you’re kidding yourself,” you simply say to it, “Thanks mind.”
Reclaiming Your Attention
Once you have thanked the mind you want to deliberately change the focus of your attention to what you really want to be focused on in that moment. That may be a conversation you’re having, the work you’re doing or the sights and smells around you.
For example, you could choose to take a moment to focus on your breath as a way of dropping out of your mind and anchoring yourself back into the present moment again.
So this week I invite you to take this practice with you – and any time you find you’re getting caught in unhelpful thoughts, have a play around with it.
Remember to do it with warmth, friendliness and humour. See if you can have a sense of smiling at the antics of the mind. No matter what your mind says to you, no matter how serious it claims to be, see if you bring a feeling of friendliness and humour to the mind and just mentally say, “Thanks mind.” Then you can bring your focus back to the fullness and aliveness of what’s happening in the present moment.
Each time you do this practice you build your capacity to unhook from unhelpful thoughts, free yourself from stress and suffering, and bring more lightness, ease and joy into your days. May it serve you well.
Awesome article, thanks! Being reactive to certain situations is habit forming. Breaking those habits can be difficult.
I really needed this reminder. Thank you 🙏
Thank you Melli for reminding us that we are not our thoughts. Namaste.
Thanks, Melli, for the gentle reminder and helpful suggestion to keep us on track to living mindfully.
Thanks Melli..
Have just read this to my mother who I s at the end stage of motor neurone disease and is now in the process of letting go and allowing nature to do its stuff..She can still hear so feel this has been of a benefit to her…
Thanks again…..
Simon
Great article Melli, I really love this concept and will practice it often.
You always come up with great stuff.
Thanks
As always Melli, You say just the very thing I need! Thank you so much! It has been a great help and I look forward to your next page. With much appreciation.
Valerie
Beautiful Post Melli, is that you at Milford Sound?
Thank you Melli. This is really helpful, as always…
Thank you, Melli. I will try this the next time my night’s sleep has been hijacked by a blitzkrieg of anxious, obsessive thoughts. You’re a sweetheart.
I really needed this today. Thank you!
Thanks Melli. Always helpful, Hope you are well, 💕
“Thanks Melli. Thanks for sharing.”
;o)
Thank you very much for this post, I will try this as for the last year due to illness, my marriage ending and family issues; I ended up trying to take my own life. I’m now at counselling but I will give this a try as I find my thoughts burden me.
Thank you again
You incredible woman. Not giving up even when you have treated yourself so badly. That is something to be grateful for, that strength that you have but just can’t find at the moment due to all those thoughts in your head. Keep thanking those thoughts and then breath, focus on that one lucious breath. You are an incredible woman with amazing strength, this will be your turning point and in years to come, you will hold gratitude for this pain as it WILL open the door to who you really are. Just keep swimming. xxxxx
Thanks Melli!!!! I really appreciate you!!!!!!
Great reminder as to choosing where we direct our energy. Thank you, Melli. Xx Nina
Melli, a wonderful and timely article for not only me but for someone very special in my life with whom I will share. Namaste.
I believe the essence of all your mindfulness Meli is centred on choice. We can choose to believe in the negativity that surrounds as in daily life and carry the burden of past experiences, or we can choose to believe in this moment and put down the heavy burdens of our previous life’s, whether real or imagined. I choose your mindfulness practice some years ago now, when I lost my partner to a very long protracted illness over 20 years, I ‘thought’, what went before governed what was to come, but by simply taking a single minute to breath properly for the first time and be, just be, I changed my perception of before and found the present to be worth much more than I ever realised. Thank you for your empathy in sharing, you have helped much more than you will ever know.
Kind Regards John
Ah Melli. Are we in synch? You always seem to send out a message that pertains to what I am teaching just at the right moment.
Thank you…it really supported me and the lesson I was teaching
Excellent article Melli. Thank you.
Thanks Melli, great post as always!
Hugs.
Thank you Melli ❣
Melli,
Thank you. Such a great reminder of how our thoughts are generated not from a place always of self benefit and friendliness but lots from evolutionary fears for survival… I’m not good enough, I feel, is fear based as in the possibility of being left out. I think William James said something like, the best education is when we can learn what thoughts to pay attention to. Be well all, John
Thanks Melli, I’m working with teenagers 16-19. Many of whom have complex trauma histories and live with daily life challenges such as no food at home, violence, substance misusing parents. As part of our program I’m introducing them to mindfulness. I plan to share this post with them as a reading activity and topic for discussion. Some of them may follow up to join the 7 day course. Wish me luck!
Hello Thalie, I’d like to wish you all the love and luck in the world as you support these very special teens. I’m working with a girl with a similar background who gets extremely angry if I dare to gently suggest she has any power over her thoughts. Sheast subscribed to them. She’s 14, perhaps still a bit young.
To Thalie,
Such important work you do! My gosh the suffering that is out there. May your compassion for these children ease that suffering and that by your example they awaken to seeing themselves deserving of the richness of self love. Be well, John
Thanks Melli
Helpful as always. X